051723
the world keeps turning
Abuse creates bars amongst the mind that traps you no matter the place, the time; you cannot know when they (the abuser) might strike—tread carefully, while your tongue only wiggles out lies to protect an animated corpse that sucks out your life. Everything begins to become a trigger, after those collective years of being under the thumb of control; it’s hard to know when the fuse will catch light when the world kept turning while living in Hell.
Dehydrated from crying, but it’s alright—he’s going to penetrate me again, orgasms become a tool to take away my conscience. Take another beating, walk to the store to buy his brand of cigarettes, my preference is nothing but selfish nonsense. He won’t even look me in the eyes, fixed upon a screen, I make him a warm meal in the kitchen in an attempt to organize my brain while my soul leaves to watch the empty life I continue to participate in.
Boots full of snow, watch the cars pass—waiting for my life to end, transport me to another land. The world around me has become a relentless reminder of all I have experienced, endurance is a curse I accept to prove myself to the love of my life.
082425: This post is regarding the flashbacks I would get from my abusive relationship that was in 2021, Hellertown, PA.