I don’t know if there is anything left, any scraps worth salvaging. Maybe there are parts of me I don’t wish to see in your perception, I am at peace with myself. With my failures, mistakes, and cards I was dealt in regards to health and family (could the two even be separated?). I don’t find it a point to dwell on them, however, I should be able to make my reality known. There are plenty willing to listen, why am I wasting my breath on a man who wishes to be deaf?
Over and over, I have tried to make sense of the words I have been given. Am I not more than the criticisms I have heard over and over by insecure individuals?
I think I am misunderstood. Hopelessly, undeniably, even by loved ones who know me quite intimately. I lived a life in agony, emotionally, physically, sexually. A repressed individual full of energy and a passion for sin before I had a clue as to what that meant. I have been violated over and over, yet, I am in a constant pursuit of love.
How does such a damaged individual, such as myself, manage to love and trust despite being betrayed over and over?
What is it about me that leads to me being perceived as a woman of deceit?
Oh, the curse of being a screen for projectors.