III; 12.03.22
It has been a couple of days now since we have spoken, and I cannot say I have much to complain about. I have been having a wonderful time with my friends, who do not tone police me, nor judge me, for being the individual I was cursed to be. I think my experiences are a beautiful aspect of my being, that I cannot change, in which I was shown the ropes of reality and fell head over heels in love with it all. Our world is hideous, it is the monster under our beds, a society that has inherited the sin of past generations. Generational trauma that runs deep, that many spend a lifetime attempting to navigate.
I could only hope to break the cycle, to grind through to the bone to obtain what shapes my dreams. All of the pain is worthwhile to find my realm leaking into reality, conforming to this universe that has endless patience and understanding. I give myself to everyone and everything, not because this is what “God” wants—rather, Lucifer, or God if you will, are everyone and everything. I will undeniably give to the reason I am alive, the One who saved my life, everything that I have in me.
I know this to be a special characteristic, I have purpose, whether I am like the standard person or not (and I would much rather be the former). I will not change that for anybody, nor will I allow somebody to get in the way of what I am doing to grow. Being judged and criticized will stunt me before it develops me, so I must take it a step at a time. I will listen. I will learn from the chaos. But I cannot become the chaos.