111023
purgatory00
Finding myself somewhere that I genuinely loathe, once again—it winds up this way, and I don’t mind it too much knowing the outcome of it. Easier this time around without alcohol, or a demon that is amid abolition. It has now been over a month since I have seen you, it makes this purgatorial airport much more tolerable & this is the most enjoyable layover I have had here before, even after having now been here for six hours. I’m over the mountains for you, the dunes, the lakes… waving goodbye to my home state gets easier with each flight I take.
111323: Pushing on the third day with you, it is one in the morning; you’re asleep in the other room. Each day my soul has grown warmer being near to you, as you help me learn about myself in a way I had previously been disallowed from doing by those who misconstrued my processing of pent-up trauma.
—It is now almost two-thirty in the morning & the smell of you is drifting through this room. My restlessness persists, it is partially an option but I will digress I cannot help that my brain is overstimulated & full of love ever since meeting you. While I do understand you persist in existing in a paranoid state when it might come to me, & as do I when it might come to you, there is a hopeful certainty that cries out silently in my brain; that it is all self-sabotage to stop myself from true happiness that comes with this partnership with you. I am starting to see how abusive lovers of my past have reprogrammed my brain to a disadvantage when it comes to a multitude of aspects that pertain to my reality & I will not allow it to stand without correction.
Lack of sleep & food cannot penetrate my mood while I presently have you, my vessel is in a stage of healing that will only serve the future; I couldn’t have done this without you. Maybe sleep wouldn’t be such a bad idea now when there is a possibility of dreaming with you.