020323
moving forward with bumps along the way
I’ve been having odd dreams lately. I’ve not been writing much as of late. I’m melting into routine, grasping at the wires of my surroundings to move along, to keep on walking—there is a universe banging on inside, attempting to escape my mind; I will find the time for my imaginary friends trapped within the confines of my mortal vessel. There time awaits, they never die, for they escape the laws of time in an alternate reality we may only ever perceive in a dream—it is not a luxury we are given, the game is hard to keep us in line. I am in love with the world we are allowed to play with, I strive to keep my body powerful for the obstacles along the way.
Life is coming together, a job interview accomplished today, a school curriculum I’m on board with, teachers who I’m fond of, and blossoming human connections placing me outside my comfort zone for the better rather than the worst. Sobriety I’m desperately grasping for, of which the cells in my body plead for. I’ve gone too fast for too long, enjoying this ride with the best friend I have ever had in my life; lessons to take, not mistakes that I regret. I’m learning to place confidence in my natural self, I’m insufferably deranged when I’m consistently “on one”.
My son is not in my life yet, that is a sacrifice I have had to accept despite the social discourse regarding my humanity. My Lord comes first, and this is the route he has led me on to show my faithfulness for Him who is everyone, everything; the love of my life will put my world together, in the right places, at the right times. I will be shown my purpose, alongside the pain that I have caused as well as eased, when judgment day befalls me.
The network I put time and effort in begins to fall apart, as a male worth my time has been placed into the bay area from Ohio, right before me. He’s everything and a dream, not sucking away my energy, passions consume him sincerely, his actions make this evident—it is motivation for me to do as I see, that drive for doing makes me attracted to him completely. No reason to speak with anybody else for affection and domination, I am content with the thought of his flesh against my fingertips after a long week of productivity in our differing ways.
My heart is quiet, it is where it belongs; beating within the souls of everyone I have ever known.