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Ethan01
I’m reminded of the power within everyone and everything as I sit on my bed absorbing the hums of the universe surrounding me. It is a sound that is more familiar than the ability to breathe, it hypnotizes me and reminds me that I am another speck of stardust that developed consciousness. This awakening out of the darkness that exists before our birth lurks in the back of my mind, how there had to be more prior to that.
My life playing out in my head over and over again, the prophecies foretold that I fulfill out of my own disgraceful volition—I’ve been so lonely missing out on you this whole life of wandering. I question if it is but a temporary bliss, and then another day passes of falling for your every word that I read and hear. It has become more than an obsession with giving you my devotion, it has evolved into an inclination toward imagining a future with you always inside me.
Blade beneath my skin, cutting from my wrist, peeling and rolling my flesh up to my elbow. Preparing myself for living a life I never thought to imagine again, after the cyclic nature of my relationship’s destruction & the resulting inner turmoil that had to then be repaired.
Yes, I don’t know you too well. I lap up all you have to give, & I notice you resist. I attempt to give all I have, but I know it is undoubtedly too much. I’m really such a stray mutt. This absolute optimism and certainty I have despite the bubbling blisters I’ve experienced from the depths of Hell which exists in our realm, well… it makes my eyes swell and I begin to cry. I laugh so much, but at this point in love, I must cry from happiness.
I feel insanely silly for having found you & believing in every part of you. My brain buzzes, it feels emotional tufts of fuzz catching fire and spreading throughout my frontal cortex. You are a person I was incredibly unlikely to meet, and I know enough to be aware that I’ve won the lottery. I am seeing everything I possess properly for the first time since I still had childish naivety, you’ve unlocked a heavily compartmentalized part of me that I thought I didn’t deserve to exert out to the world.
—When I breathe into you, I feel you breathe back in return. It can’t be that absurd I’d do anything for you before consuming every bite. Won’t you let me feast?